life is hard.

Life is hard.
But at least we have each other.
When all is said and done, we will have each other. And that is all we can depend on.
Then we can laugh together about how beautiful yet complicated life is.
We WILL make it…but only because we have each other.

and THIS is why i hate driving...

I almost died today. Seriously.

I was driving to school on the freeway this morning and I was approaching my exit so I flipped on my right blinker and changed lanes. At this point, I was driving behind a semi. I put my right blinker on again in order to get into the next lane which was the exit only lane...and this is when my life flashed before my eyes. So when driving behind a semi, you can't really see what is directly in the lane ahead of you, correct? Correct, because little did I know, there was a wheelbarrow, yes, a metal WHEELBARROW, laying right in between the exit only lane and the lane that I was in. I almost drilled it. I've never been so scared in my life.

End of story.

26.2 miles in 4:04:44.44

Yes, my marathon was this past weekend. And yes, I'm still feeling it. My goodness! I can't even describe to you the amount of pain I've been in! I'm feeling better today, but I'm still having problems sitting, standing, and going up and down stairs.

Okay, so I guess I should start at the beginning. I woke up Saturday morning at 3am to the sound of rain pounding against my window. I couldn't believe it. Of course, it just HAD to rain on the day that I'm running 26.2 miles. Needless to say, I couldn't fall back asleep. The nerves started kicking in. By 4:25, I'm leaving my house to go pick up my friend in Logan. Once I pick Corrin up we head over to the park. I could not believe how many people came out to torture themselves that early in the morning! Bathrooms were all full...lines seemed like they were a mile long. At about 5:30 we get on the bus to take the ride up the canyon to the starting line. Again, rows of port-a-potties with lines of people stretching out in front of them. At 7am the guns go off and the race has started! Luckily the rain had pretty much stopped by now. So, for the first little while I was doing fine. In fact, I felt fine until mile 20. Yep, by the time I hit mile 21, I was dead. My calves have never burned so bad in my entire life. My legs were heavy, my knees hurt, my hips hurt, blisters were forming on my toes, a rash had formed on my arm and side from wearing my ipod, my back hurt, my stomach hurt, my head hurt. Everything hurt. I was thirsty, I was hungry, I was tired. I honestly did not think I was going to make it. I wanted to stop, sit on the curb and call for someone to come and pick me up. I did not want to finish the race. I kept telling myself, "Cmon Kristen, you only have five more miles. Five miles. Thats it. Thats so easy. You run that all the time." It didn't matter. I was dead tired. Eventually, I made it...in the pouring rain. 4:04:44. My time was 4 minutes and 44 seconds longer than what I was hoping for. But I was okay with that. I knew I gave it my all and that I couldn't have done it any faster.

After I finished the only thing that kept running through my head was, "You never have to do this again." And on Saturday, if you would have asked me if I would ever run another marathon, I would have told you no way. Thinking about it today, if someone asked me to run one with them, I'm almost positive my answer would be yes.

never forget

Seven years ago today.

update

So it has been FOREVER since I've posted! I've just been so busy. Hm, so I guess I'll give a little update on my life. First and foremost, I'm still training for my marathon. It is now less than two weeks away and I'm so ready for it! I've finished all of my long runs and now just have short ones left. It will be such a relief when its over! I feel like I'm exhausted all the time...and I swear its from running so much...and my lack of sleep...

School started again. Can I just say how excited I will be when I'm through?! But that won't be til December 2010...so I have awhile left. I guess I really can't complain. Its not THAT bad. I just HATE reading textbooks which is all I feel like I do now.

Last weekend, Andy and I took a road trip down to visit Sarah and Alex down in St. George. It was a blast. We left on Friday around three and made a stop in Provo to visit a girl Andy knew from his mission. Her name is Hana and she is from Slovakia. She is the branch president's daughter. She was staying here for a few weeks with two of her friends from Slovakia. One of her friends is attending BYU. The other one is a nanny here. It was awesome listening to Andy and her converse in Slovak. She could speak broken english...but it was good enough that I could understand what she was saying! Right before we were getting ready to leave another missionary from Slovakia came over. I think Andy really enjoyed the reunion! :]

We finally made it to St. George around 10:30. OH MY GOODNESS! It was so hot down there. Even at 10:30 at night! The air was so thick too. It was a long day and we were exhausted. The next day we visited with some of our old friends from Snow College. It was good to catch up and see what they are up to. That night we headed to Vegas. Seriously, we couldn't pass up the chance when we were so close to it! We got caught in a wind storm on the way over there...tumbleweeds hitting our car left and right. It was actually really scary. But we made it! Andy and I had so much fun walking down the strip but the trip to the Cheesecake Factory was definitely the best. Oh wait...maybe Andy leaving the casino with 100 extra dollars from Blackjack was the best... :] Ha, I had so much fun watching him. Anyway, needless to say, it was a fun weekend.

Sullivan Ballou

This is a very touching letter. I've read it over and over and still get emotional. I love to share this letter with everyone and anyone that will listen.

July 14, 1861

Camp Clark, Washington

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .

Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .

Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull Run, July 21, 1861.

Born March 28, 1829 in Smithfield, R.I., Ballou was educated at Phillips Academy in Andover, Mass.; Brown University in Providence, R.I. and the National Law School in Ballston, N.Y. He was admitted to the Rhode Island Bar in 1853.

Ballou devoted his brief life to public service. He was elected in 1854 as clerk of the Rhode Island House of Representatives, later serving as its speaker.
He married Sarah Hart Shumway on October 15, 1855, and the following year saw the birth of their first child, Edgar. A second son, William, was born in 1859.
Ballou immediately entered the military in 1861 after the war broke out. He became judge advocate of the Rhode Island militia and was 32 at the time of his death at the first Battle of Bull Run on July 21, 1861.

When he died, his wife was 24. She later moved to New Jersey to live out her life with her son, William, and never re-married. She died at age 80 in 1917.
Sullivan and Sarah Ballou are buried next to each other at Swan Point Cemetery in Providence, RI. There are no known living descendants.

Ironically, Sullivan Ballou’s letter was never mailed. Although Sarah would receive other, decidedly more upbeat letters, dated after the now-famous letter from the battlefield, the letter in question would be found among Sullivan Ballou’s effects when Gov. William Sprague of Rhode Island traveled to Virginia to retrieve the remains of his state’s sons who had fallen in battle.

http://www.pbs.org/civilwar/war/ballou_letter.html

running obsession.

So lately I feel like I've been married to my running shoes. Seriously, its bad. My WHOLE schedule revolves around running. I've been training for a marathon since the beginning of June. But this obsession started before then. I started running when I first went away to college so I wouldn't get fat. I started out by just doing about 2 miles a day a few times a week. That was 3 years ago. Slowly it has built up. By the time November of 2007 rolled around I was running between 5-7 miles a day, six days a week. It was an obsession. An unhealthy obsession. I HAD to run everyday or I couldn't live with myself. Seriously, I had the hardest time justifying eating ANYTHING if I didn't do AT LEAST 5 miles. And I was grouchy...very grouchy if I didn't get my running in. My running slowed down slightly in January and February when my IT band and bursitis started giving me trouble in my hip. Physical therapy took care of that. By the time March rolled around I was running again...just like before.
Finally in May, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to run a marathon. With all this running I was doing I might as well train for one, right? So here I am...sitting, trying to build up the courage to actually sign up. I ran the 16 mile run this week and it just about killed me. Could I really have gone 10.2 more miles? I don't know. I don't care. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm signing up right now.
There is one good thing that has come out of this training already. It has cured me of my running obsession. After this marathon is over, I don't think I'll ever want to run again.

Bear Lake Adventure

Oh my goodness! I actually got a little vacation last week. And it felt soooo good! It was long overdue. I have not done ANYTHING since our family trip to Oregon last year so this past week was nice. Anyway, it started on Wednesday. I went up to Bear Lake with Andy for his family reunion. Now, I have never actually been to Bear Lake. Well thats a lie. I've been to Bear Lake but I've never actually been out on the lake. Make sense? At least not that I remember. Anyway, I had a blast! The first day we did a little golfing. Not we, I guess, but Andy and his dad. Shelley and I just sat in the cart. Still, it was fun. Then we got to our condo, met up with the rest of the family and unpacked everything. Of course that night after dinner we played games. It was a blast. The next day was a water day. We were at the lake from 10 in the morning to 6. We had rented a boat that everyone took turns on throughout the day. So much fun! I hardly ever get to go boating so this was a big deal to me. And guess what?! I totally tried out the tube! I had to gather up all the courage I had inside me, but I did it. Goll, I'm so proud of myself! That night was a game night again. Game nights are always fun! :] On Friday Andy and I woke up extra early to go running. Unfortunately he died at about 1.5 miles so I had to finish it up without him. We got back to the condo in time to sit on the bench and watch the sun rise. It was beautiful. Back up at the condo we packed up and got ready to go to Minnetonka Cave. When we got to the cave, we found out that there was a 4 HOUR WAIT! We decided to just leave. We stopped at La Beau's for a raspberry shake on the way home. Mmm...delicious! And that concludes my Bear Lake Adventure. I'd definitely recommend it to anyone. And I'd definitely go again in a heartbeat. On Saturday, Andy came with my family on a picnic up to Willow Flats. It was super fun. The day consisted of a picnic, a long 4wheeler ride, and a hike to the mountain springs. It was beautiful. We're planning on going back in a few weeks to camp out. I can't wait!

my life list

I got this idea from a roommate that I had down at college a few years ago. She had to make one of these lists while she was in high school. She showed it to me one day and I thought it was a fabulous idea. So here is mine. In no specific order. And the list continues to grow.

*** indicates accomplished.

1. Go on a romantic gondola ride in Venice.
2. Buy my own car.
3. ***Get into the radiology program at Weber State.
4. Graduate with Bachelors in sonography.
5. Become a homeowner.
6. Get married in the temple.
7. Visit Machu Picchu.
8. Go on a humanitarian trip to a third world country.
9. Buy a digital SLR and learn how to use it.
10. Learn to ski.
11. Go scuba diving or snorkeling.


12. Ride in a hot air balloon.


13. ***Send off my missionary.


14. Go on a cruise.


15. Visit the Eiffel Tower.


16. Go on a church history tour.


17. Swim with dolphins.


18. Learn how to quilt.


19. Make a gourmet meal.
    
20. Learn the basics of cake decorating.


21. Visit Ground Zero.


22. Meet someone famous.


23. Stay a night in the Bellagio.


24. See a Cirque du Soleil show.


25. Meet the prophet.


26. ***Run a marathon.


27. Go to Slovakia.


28. Have a baby.


29. Learn about all types of flowers.


30. Try parasailing.


31. Visit the 4 corners.


32. Make my own earrings.
33. ***Learn to embroider.


34. Visit Butchart Gardens in Canada.


35. See the Colosseum.


36. Move out of Utah.


37. Get a Great Dane puppy.


38. Go on a safari.


39. Visit a rainforest.


40. See the Aurora Borealis.


41. ***Learn to crochet.


42. Hike the Narrows.


43. Visit the Louvre.


44. Go to Disneyland or Disneyworld.


45. Organize my quotes.


46. Go to Hawaii.


47. Watch sun rise on East Coast and sun set on West Coast...all within the same day.


48. ***Find and send in a headline to the Tonight Show.


49. Read the Old and New Testament completely.
50. Go to Havasu Falls.
51. Design my own t-shirt.
52. Stay up all night watching a meteor shower.
53. Learn ballroom dancing or swing dancing. Maybe both!
54. Skydive!
55. Attempt surfing.
56. See the cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde.
57. Win some sort of giveaway.

Hello. My name is Kristen.

I'm 22 years old but I feel like I'm still 17.

I am 5'4" and I have curly hair. I still live at home with my parents. And I'll probably continue to do so until I either a.) get married or b.) finish school.
Sometimes I don't want to get married. And sometimes I don't want to finish school. Sometimes I just don't want to grow up.

I love going to bed late and waking up before the sun. Long naps in the afternoon are the best.

I have found my soulmate. He is my best friend. He knows me better than I know myself. He sings me songs on his guitar and tickles my back when I'm tired. He brings me Diet Coke and candy bars when I've had a hard day at work. He'll just hug me and let me cry when I'm having a bad day. He listens to my whining without complaining. He believes in me. He loves me even with all my little quirks. He is gone for awhile but he'll be back soon and then we'll be together again forever.

I've been known to over-analyze every situation. I overreact to almost everything.
Unfortunately, I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac. Right now, I'm worried that I have skin & thyroid cancer and a blood clot. And working at a hospital doesn't help.

I love running. Sometimes I think I'm addicted to the endorphins.

I avoid confrontation at all cost.
My opinions are easily swayed.
I've found that if I say I don't like someone, it's usually because I haven't gotten to know them yet.

I like to eat my food at room temperature. Please don't give me hot food. Because then I'll just have to wait until it cools. I refuse to eat unless I have a light, a table and friends.
And I can't drink soda pop unless it has been poured over ice.

I love photography, lomography, and polaroids. Candid photos, old photos, and yellow-tinted photos filled with happy memories of days long past. I aspire to be a photographer one day. I need to purchase a real camera first. And then learn how to use it.
I get nostalgic and wistful often. Especially when looking at old vintage photographs. Which I love to do. Sometimes I think I was supposed to be born in the 1920's.

I love running around barefoot in the green grass and sunshine.
I love wildflowers, mountains, rope swings and riverbeds.
The pacific coast, sand, blue skies, fluffy white clouds, gulls, seashells, and pirates.
The circus, carousels, love, and county fairs.
Adventures, long walks, sunday drives, picnics, blankets and teddy bears.
Old houses, chandeliers, lace, pearls, thrifting, antique shops, estate sales and anything vintage.
Stargazing, the full moon, sunsets, thunderstorms and falling asleep to the rain.
Deep conversations, blank notebooks, classic novels and poems that are beautiful.

My dream has always been to run off and live in a big city where no one knows who I am.
Traveling is another one of my dreams. I want to see the world. And one day I will.

I believe that love is the answer. I just wish that everyone else in the world would see that too.
And I believe that life is beautiful.